Depressed

Not a very good night, I kept being bitten on my calves – and the strange thing is, I have a feeling it’s Ziva? Well, I woke up really late, which kind of depresses me.

Over coffee – with the Mips and Ziva out – I’m really getting depressed. I’m also feeling kind of dizzy. I meant to go to Convention today, but I just don’t feel up to it. No reason to worry – I get like this at this phase of projects: depressed, anxious, demotivated, and questioning my life. In some ways this really is a shit job. It’s a job, not a career. I never know where I’m going next. Worse: I never know IF I’m on the next project. Nor do I know WHEN, so I usually start packing … and spend the ‘waiting’ time in a half-packed up flat – not really living, just kind of hanging-in-there.

Sigh, Mips are keeping me busy – Lady Jane needing intensive cuddling, Ziva needing attention and Mewthos getting attacked! Shame, he’s lost a fluff of fur and is shaking. Not for long, though. A few minutes later he’s back down for another spat.

I’ve decided to go into the garden – that always gets me out of the depression or slump. I’m just very grateful that I don’t suffer from chronic or clinical depression – I’m grateful to know that it’s just a mood and will pass.

After yesterday’s rain, today is sunny and hot! Too hot to stay in the sun for more than a few minutes. There’s shade already alongside the building, so I’m tying up my Carnations as best I can. They’ve been creeping along the ground, rather than standing up proudly. They are still blooming – and smelling wonderful! And then there’s still the problem of the Cosmos: despite the extensive transplanting by myself and our gardener – there are still hordes on the path!

Well, gardening lifted my mood a bit. Now it’s getting dark, I’m back upstairs and feeling depressed again. I’ve eaten, had some Orange juice, treated myself to chocolate – and still feel like I could just go to bed and sleep till Tuesday! But that wouldn’t really be fair to my Mips – can’t expect them to be stuck inside so long! They’ve just come in, and I’m now waiting for Ziva to join us. Then I might go to sleep – till tomorrow.