Navigating my personal L-Space

I have always loved reading. I couldn’t wait to learn, and once I had started to learn I would torture my dad by insisting I read the newspaper to him! I would read bedtime stories to my sister, and I would read, read, read just about everything I could get my hands on! I was a regular at the local library, I always had such a hard time choosing which to read first. I read just about all the popular childrens authors, Enid Blyton, Oliver Hassencamp, Rolf Ulrici, Jack London, Alfred Hitchcock, Karl May, Astrid Lindgren to name but a few. Lateron I devoured Agatha Christie, Edgar Wallace, Heinz Konsalik, Sir Artur Conan Doyle, Frederick Forsythe. As my english improved, I started to re-read some english authors in their original language. Agatha Christie is still a favourite – but in english, I discovered fantasy- and science fiction which became my favourite genres. As much as I loved Sir Conan Doyle’s Sherlock Holmes – my favourite book by him became ‘The Lost World’. I still love Sherlock Holmes – and particularly enjoy the 1984 Series with Jeremy Brett – but I enjoy The Lost World more. Douglas Adams, David Eddings, Isac Asimov and my absolutely favourite author Sir Terry Pratchett!  Since his death I have been keeping his last book as a special treat – not really wanting to to finish the final book! I have recently finally started reading it ... rationing out page by page, savouring every word.

I usually have at least two books open at any given time. One a ‘should’ and one a ‘treat’. The Shepherd’s Crown by Terry Pratchett is my current treat. My current ‘should’ is Djinn Rummy by Tom Holt.

So, what’s this ‘should’ list? Well, remember how I had lugged this incredible hoard around with me for decades, then finally cleared out most of it – only to inherit my mum’s? Yeah, that’s right! It’s all books, remember? And books are precious! You don’t just throw them out, like garbage! Never! With my own books, I could sort through them and decide whether it was likely there would ever come a time when I would enjoy reading them again. Some are like dear friends, who take me to a time and place of happiness. Like ‘Mein Unsichtbarer Freund’ (translation: my invisible friend) about a kid called Lasko, who has made friends with a handful of aliens, who have technology which can make them invisible. Or The Secret Garden, which always turns me back into a little girl with her garden. Or my most precious book: Die Brüder Löwenherz which has a very special, precious meaning for me. Or the Burg Schreckenstein Series, which takes me back to 1979-81, when I felt an equal member of my class for the first time – not like the weirdo or stranger I usually felt. But then there were also books which left me indifferent – some bored (the Wheel of Time Saga comes to mind! Which was the first time ever, I didn’t even care to find out how it would end – and yet I’ve had people tell me how they are absolutely mesmerised by it!). And those latter books I could let go, knowing I would not regret the decision at some later stage.

In my first de-hoarding, I kept books I had not yet read. Obviously. In Pretoria there is a German Old Age Home, who also take german books as a donation. They either add them to their own library for residents, or sell them at their bi-annual booksale to subsidise the Home. But in Port Elizabeth I have not found any store / charity / institution who want german books. Second Hand Book Stores can be found throughout South Africa – and if not bookstores, then pawn shops. So, now I’m going through my english books, reading them so I can decide whether they are keepers or not. The method of selection? Ha Ha Ha: Size! I select the largest, hard-cover book which I think will not turn out to be a keeper! And yes, I’m afraid that’s where this particular Tom Holt landed. I’m nearly finished – the jury is still out, but I’m leaning towards ‘once is enough’. Apologies to Tom Holt fans, but it’s only the book, not the auther I’m letting go.

Just thinking back to some of my favourite childhood books, I’m re-entering the past – living again alongside Enid Blyton’s Famous Five, laughing at Astid Lindgren’s Pippi Longstocking and her funny ideas, following the serious intensity of Jack London’s Call of the Wild, searching for clues alongside Astrid Lindgren’s Kalle Blomkvist.

I’m trying to remember TV Series which left equally strong impressions – Michel aus Lönneberga? Daktari? Catweazle? My Favorite Martian? Pan Tau? Flipper? Lassie? They bring back snippets of atmosphere, the occasional image, bits of story but that’s about all. Even Series I watched in my teens, like Space: 1999 and Star Trek I don’t remember anywhere near as well as I remember the characters, backgrounds and adventures of so many of the books I’ve read. As an avid Star Trek fan I’m sorry to say but the TV Series left no impression on teenaged me.

I’ve tried re-watching Series from my childhood – but there is absolutely not connection to the younger me. Yet every book I’ve re-read has sent my mind back in time, who I was, what impressed me then, travel to now and how do I see the same scene today. I learn something about myself, too, every time!

And now, I think, I will treat myself to another page or two of The Shepherd’s Crown!

29 June 2017

After some thought I decided to report the mess in my yard to the rental agent – just to ensure I won’t be held responsible. I asked that they put a stop to the trespassing and reported the mess, also the running tap (which is a finable offense!). The agent forwarded my mail to the owner, who in turn forwarded it to the Body Corporate. Body Corporate replied ‘sorry about the trespassing, that was just a miscommunication.’ Excuse me? Miscommunication? I don’t think any of these people understand the gravity of the situation! Trespassing is illegal, punishable by a fine not exceeding R2000, a maximum prison sentence of two years, or both! Any law-abiding contractor – faced with a locked gate would stop outside and arrange permission from the lawful occupier!

What kind of contractor gains illegal access to one property in order to climb over the wall to work in the next property? They have street-access, too! Apparently trespassing is standard practice for them? Risking liability for two counts of trespassing, two days in a row PLUS for contravention of the water restrictions (turns out that tap must have been running for hours!) – Standard practice?

The Body Corporate then offers ‘If the contractor comes to clean, will the tenant let them in?’ to which rental agent replied ‘please arrange that but contact tenant on xxx (cellphone number)’. Hello? You are offering to bring the people, who clearly have no regard for the law, back into my space – only now they’ll be upset – and … Hello? Can anyone see a problem here?

Three, so-called professionals: owner = Managing Director of a company; rental agent; Body Corporate = Senior Portfolio Manager … and … wait for it: tenant = Site Secretary.

And here the money-trail: lowest income profession (Site Secretary) pays owner (highest income profession) enough to pay 100% of his contribution to the Body Corporate (middle income profession) plus 100% commission earned by the rental agent (high income profession).

Not one of these people would tolerate such disregard for their personal safety – yet somehow each finds it ok to do to me what they wouldn’t want done to themselves.

I’m trying to decide what I should do – but overall, I think the least futile course of action is to let it go and let karma sort things out. On rare occasions I’ve even been privileged to watch karma in action – and it’s worth it!

Past attempts have proved that I have a better chance of winning the lotto than discovering even the slightest glimmer of intelligence among this lot! So, Karma: They’re all yours! Enjoy!

At work the atmosphere is much better since we have a couple of competent managers on site. The game of musical chairs is still ongoing – who’s coming, from where, when and for how long. But all of that is way above my pay-grade, so I sit back and smile. I’ve still got plenty to do, preparing the installation documentation, co-ordinating delivery, placing orders. And when I’ve caught up with that, I still have the Safety File to maintain – and sub-contractors to audit. So no boredom on my horizon!

The car radio / CD Player is really weird. Last night when I started the car the CD was playing. When I got back into the car after the security check (my car is searched every day, when I leave the factory) – CD Player off! Ten minutes later, I’m standing at a red light when suddenly the CD starts playing again? A few kilometers down the road it switches itself off . This morning I open the garage and hear it playing to itself again! It’s probably just a loose connection – but with a bit of imagination it could make a really spooky story!

Back home I took some photos of the mess.

My neighbour joined me and we had a lovely chat while weeding a bit and watering our gardens. There’s one new flower promising to bloom soon – I can’t wait to see what it will look like!

That peculiar sunset sky was quite distinctive today, with a dark blue ribbon below the pink – in the East!

On the Nasturtium leaves the water runs into one large drop in the centre – looks like a precious gem, doesn’t it?

28 June 2017

Another subject currently occupying me is: Manipulation. It’s a subject we only think about, when we’re at the receiving end – having been successfully manipulated. But we all do it in some form or other, as well. As an alcoholic, I have done more than a fair share of manipulating myself – though convincing myself all the time that I was the victim, not the manipulator! Pulling that one off successfully is sadly a common aspect of the disease. It took me years to fully grasp just to what extent I manipulated friends and family – and continued to manipulate for years after I stopped drinking. Of course, I have no guarantee that I’m completely benign now – but I am, at least, more open to discussion ... at least I hope so!

Having been (or perhaps even still being) a manipulator does not, however, mean that I can’t be a victim of manipulation, myself. It’s not simply black and white. To some extent everybody is manipulative – we all have needs and desires we’d like to be met; and when they involve other people we all sometimes cross the line, push a little too hard, perhaps? But where, exactly, is that line?

Simply put, any sense of control is manipulation – regardless of intentions. What is frightening, at least to me, is the extent to which manipulation has become acceptable! I won’t even go into corporate and political manipulations – seriously, if I do, I’ll never stop! Just the thought has got my blood boiling – better take a break, time to simmer down.

Right, feeling a bit calmer now. Staying with my own personal experiences, one-on-one. Simple example: As I’m about to close my browser to go to bed I see a message, I respond saying ‘Sorry, bad timing. It’s a bit late for me, I’m off to bed’. Immediate response ‘It’s not late!’ Instant red flag! You’re trying to overwrite my reality with yours! An appropriate response would have been anything that doesn’t invalidate my personal feeling or opinion. Had the person been in a different time zone ‘It’s not late, here’ would have been acceptable, or even ‘it’s not late for me’.  I know from experience that there’s no point even attempting to discuss why such a response is unacceptable to me, so I just shut off the browser and go to bed.

I’ve been in abusive relationships before. Just recently I allowed someone into my private space who immediately proceeded to trample all over it! So I manipulate them to leave. I let them believe the decision was theirs and let them stomp off in a huff, sighing a silent ‘good riddance’! Yes, that, too is manipulation – and frankly, I don’t like it, either. The problem is, as a woman, if I simply tell them to get out ... something usually gets broken.

One thing I’ve never understood, and which still puzzles me: Why on earth do they always presume that we’re friends, now? Not trying to salvage a friendship but taking it for granted. Seriously, what’s that all about?

Anyway, enough on that subject for now.

Had another nasty surprise when I got home today: The contractors had trespassed AGAIN! And they left my outdoor tap running! We’re in the middle of a drought – water is scarce, and they leave a tap running for who knows how long? And I don’t mean dripping, it was running! On top of that they stepped right into my new bed where the seedlings are just poking through!

Let’s try something nice for a change. Dinner was delicious! My chives are doing nicely. It looks like it might rain overnight, which is nice. Yeah, I’m not winning this one, am I? Better luck tomorrow!

27 June 2017

Lovely sunrise this morning, though I didn’t take any photo’s. Work was busy, but short – I left at twelve to collect a colleague from her Guesthouse and take her to the airport. From there I went home – lovely! Or so I thought until I saw my gate had been tampered with – turns out the contractors decided to come back today, unannounced, to work on the property next to mine. And for some unknown reason it was decided to trespass on my property and climb over the wall back & forth! I feel extremely uncomfortable in my home having a couple of strangers in my garden! Never mind the tire tracks across my lawn and the cement in my backyard! I’ve locked myself in – but I’m not comfortable.

Fortunately I hadn’t planned on working in the garden – there are some pot plants needing attention, which they got today! My chives appreciate the attention! Plus, with the freshly cut chives, the radishes and the tomatoes, I’ll have a lovely home-grown salad tonight! And since I have some time, I’ll cook myself my own special chicken-in-rice dinner!

Vegetables from my garden

Ok, they're not very big - but delicious!

I have quite a lot on my mind these days. This blog was meant to be an outlet for some of those. We all have some things we’re afraid to share with anyone for fear of … well, loosing something. And there’s nothing more wonderful than reading someone else going through or having gone through exactly the same thing! It’s not always big things – sometimes it’s something small, even silly. One of the reasons I started writing again, was to share my silly or serious, small or big, fears or pleasures.

Well, here goes a biggie: Retirement. Yeah, I know I’ve only just turned fifty – but it isn’t really that long a way off. Time flies, when you’re having fun – and my life is a lot of fun, even work! I don’t actually want to retire – apart from the financial fact that I can’t afford to – but work is my link to society. Sever that link and I may become actually anti-social! I’ve already had some mild aversion to going outside my home – like the weekly aversion to grocery shopping. It’s not just the lack of service, or even rude behavior of shop-staff. In East London I had the same kind of episodes when I decided to go to the beach … I always pushed myself out the door, and once I was out, I was fine. But in East London I was alone, the project finished, everybody had left and I didn’t have to go to work. Even in Pretoria I had the same little episodes when I had decided to go for a drive or something. It’s not agoraphobia, because it’s not the outdoors or outside I want to avoid. It’s also not people or crowds, because there weren’t always people where I planned to go. It’s going beyond my comfort zone, I think. Yet I never have any issues leaving to go to work. It’s not really a problem, yet – but what happens if I should retire? Would I stop pushing myself past the aversion, imprisoning myself in my home? Well, how’s that for a nightmare?

26 June 2017

Dear Mother Nature, thank you for sending us the trial-version of winter. It was an interesting experience, but overall, it is not my idea of pleasant. Please re-install summer.

I was sitting outside in the sun, when a colleague joined me, blocking the sun on a portion of my arm – and it was startling what a difference that made! My elbow began to feel cold very quickly. More birthday wishes and hugs from my colleagues. Yes, I’ve taught all my german colleagues to hug – Germans are generally very formal and polite, it normally takes a while to defrost them. At first they all get this startled, frightenend expression – like a silent cry for help; but they soon capitulate!

Work was pretty busy, so the day went fast. Back home, watered the garden, cooked and ate dinner, packed tomorrow’s lunch, now about to bath and go to bed. I watched my nephew’s YouTube videos and got so engrossed watching that I burnt dinner! Impressed with my nephew, but not impressed with myself.

I guess there’ll be days like today, when there’s not much to say and no photos to fill in the blanks.

The day after

Awake early, beautiful sunrise again.

Birds waking up one by one until the church bells tolled. Wrote and published yesterday’s blog – with a lot of photos! All the while keeping an eye on the sun, waiting for it to chase the shadows out of my garden so I could go into it. Filled the drum with as much of the thorns as I could – sigh, could barely see any progress, though. Then I reaped all my radishes opening up the bed for the next seeds. Only this time I didn’t just haphazardly sow all the seeds in the pack – this time I followed instructions to the letter! Only … I didn’t look properly and ended up burying some seeds a teeny bit too deep … like twice the recommended depth! Well, those little buggers better push up, hard! I planted a few peas and a few radishes, hopefully that’ll turn out better than the overcrowded fight-for-survival I’ve had going on there! Shared my crop with my neighbour – after all, it’s too much for one person! One of the Gazania showed her appreciation of being dug out by flowering again.

It’s been a slow, reasonably lazy Sunday – did laundry, etc. but nothing much. Another fifty birthday wishes on Facebook, quick dinner, hot shower, day over. Good night. 

And now I'm 50!

Woke nice and early, albeit with a slight headache – must have pulled the duvet too close to my face in my sleep. Fortunately it didn’t last long. The sunrise was glorious, you could see the lights on the ships, even!

The weekly internal debate of “I don’t wanna. But you gotta!” going back and forth until I overcame my aversion to shopping and the worst chore of the weekend was behind me in no time! Back home I treated myself to a breakfast of Rollmops on Croissant, when my Skype began to ring: My sister was calling! This brings up so many emotions, we haven’t talked in years. Let me just say: It made my day! We had a long, lighthearted chat catching up on friends and family, then my nephew came on to also wish me a happy birthday!

Then I messaged my neighbour “I’m free!” something both of us hear in the voice of the inimitable John Inman as Mr Wilberforce Clayborne Humphries in ‘Are You Being Served?’ a British comedy we both enjoy. And off we went! She tried asking me where to first, but I immediately put a stop to that! The burden of decisions was entirely on her shoulders! I would have none of that!

First she directed me to a garden center in Sherwood, what an absolute delight! Everything my heart desires: Seeds (it’s a standing joke between us that I can never go past a stand displaying seeds – I always end up bringing a pack or few home.), a bookshop! (Same problem!) then we strolled around the nursery. I came across some black pansies and immediately thought of a Goth friend who, I was sure, would love them (I was right, by the way). The vast variety of seeds proved too much a temptation and I bought a few packets. Don’t ask me where they will be sown – my beds are already overcrowded and in need to thinning out!

From there we drove on to the restaurant, where she’d booked us a table. What an amazing view! We attempted to get the full effect of the view by sitting outside – but eventually gave up as it was just too cold! Inside we were comfortable and still enjoyed the view – albeit through a window. We had a lovely time and talked for hours. Literally. Good thing we don’t run out of conversation, since it took an hour and a half before anyone took our order! The waitress did not instill confidence, and I repeated our order to make sure we’d both get food – to which she snapped “Chill out!” Yeah. That was the last time she came near our table! Once the food arrived, suddenly we seemed to have become visible! Every member of staff took turns to ask if everything was ok! For nearly two hours we had been pretty much ignored and now suddenly we couldn’t get a bite down without interruption! Enough said. I enjoyed the view and the company!

Afterwards we took a drive up the coast. At one point foam had collected like a dirty bubble bath in an inlet.

A bit further along a seagull landed near us. As I was watching it, I noticed movement on one of the rocks – it was too far to see, as it was something dark against the dark rocks. It puzzled me that it stayed long after the seagull had left, worried that it might be an animal in distress, I slowly walked towards the movement, taking photos while I went. I was relieved to see it was a bird as it flew away – after I had apparently scared the crap out of it! Literally!

Then my neighbour showed me where she grew up and told me how the area had changed. I found that extremely interesting and wished I could have stopped for a closer look. But with the sun nearly blinding me at times and the narrow, winding road making it dangerous to stop, all I could do was  turn around twice driving past for another look. Then we turned one corner and saw a whole hedge of fiery red aloes all in bloom! I stopped for photos – it almost looked like blooming fire! We just sat feasting our eyes on the glorious colouring for a while! It doesn’t show up as well on the photo, I’m afraid.

It was near five when I got home, the sun about to set and the cold about to get real. As I opened my Facebook I was overwhelmed with over 100 birthday wishes! It took quite some time to thank each and every one individually! Why do I take that time? Well, 1) I do have the time and 2) each one took the time for me, least I can do is take the time to show I have at least seen and read your message – even if I only click ‘like’. In between reading and responding to my birthday messages I took some photos of the sunset.

As it was getting really cold, hot bath and bed fairly early.

23 June 2017

Yay! I’ve earned a comment! Doing a little happy dance here, well, not literally, just jigging in my chair – which, incidentally, is creaking in protest!

I woke up from a rather disturbing nightmare this morning, something about two paths leading to our future, but people are disappearing from the one. Some of us belittle those of us raising concern over the disappearances ... until we discover half-way down the path is blocked by an altar decorated with baboon statues and human skulls. Carefully moving in closer we see some black, inky smoke threateningly coming towards us – and realise it’s a deadly trap. Yet too many still insist it’s ‘nothing! Don’t be foolish!’ ridiculing those of us who turned back to warn everybody. Representative of the ‘debate’ regarding climate change with so many people ridiculing scientific data as ‘fear mongering propaganda’ whilst at the same time complaining about the extreme weather conditions. I’m not stating my opinion on this hot topic here, the representative link was part of the dream – I don’t want this blog to be a platform for heated debates. It was just such a vivid dream.

Since I was snug and warm under my duvet and outside was cold – it could just as well have been my brain overruling my ears (hearing the alarm) to keep me snug and comfortable.

The weather has been decidedly abnormal – summer temperatures one day, dropping to winter climate the next. South African homes (whether house or flat) do not have built-in heating. Nor are windows double-glazed or insulated against the outside weather in any form. So when the temperatures drop, our homes get cold as well. For myself, I’m not fond of heaters – portable oil radiators don’t provide enough heat to make much difference anyway, and the gas-powered heaters which do make a difference ... well ... you can only use them on tiled floors. If I tried one on my carpets I’d have a roaring fire in no time, I’m sure. Some people have electric blankets – I don’t. What I tend to do in winter is quite simple: when it gets too cold in the flat, I take a hot bath or shower, and then go snuggle under my feather-duvet! So, ok, in winter I end up going to bed quite early some days – but that’s what books are for!

Funny thing about my lovely feather-duvet: I bought it a few years ago in East London. No problems. Then, a short while ago, I would wake up with a horrid migraine every morning! After some experimentation I discovered the cause: the feather duvet! Remove that – no migraine. So, now what? I NEED that in winter ... well, happily I found a solution: Don’t use the feather pillows, and pull the feather-duvet no further than about to my elbows; put on a warm pullover and: Viola!  Snug and warm all round and no migraine! Funny how one’s body changes as we get older – and develops these funny aversions or allergies just to entertain us! A colleague of mine told me how he’s lately become allergic to cheese of all things! Oh, and nuts, too. Loved them all his life – and now he can’t enjoy them.

So, what are my plans for this weekend? HeHe – I placed that burden firmly on my neighbour’s shoulders! Tomorrow I’ll be fifty! Would you believe I’ve been around half a century already? I’ve had some people insist that for my fiftieth I MUST have a big party ... Hello? What? MUST? I? Pull the other one, it’s got bells on! For MY birthday, I will do what I want! It’s not about YOU, after all! So, what am I going to do, and how does my neighbour fit into this? Simple: I’d like to spend time with one person who’s company I enjoy – no stress, no crowds, no pressure. And no preparations! Since she knows Port Elizabeth – and I don’t – I asked her to pick somewhere interesting where we could walk and see some sights (which could be flowers, or scenery or a museum) and when we’ve had enough go to some restaurant and enjoy a delicious meal! The weather promises to be sunny, albeit cold, so that should be fine. We both have some errands to run in the morning, so we’ll meet up at leisure and off we go. No expectations. So, tomorrows post might be short – but I’m sure I’ll have plenty pictures!

One thing about birthdays that always bugs me though: What is it with this new thing of companies sending birthday cards to clients? I mean: WTF? I just received one from the rental agency ... utterly inappropriate!  Usually they open with some blather about ‘good to have you as our customer’ – translation: We enjoy taking your money. Thanks. Rub it in. And then close something like they hope I spend time with my loved ones! Like, hello? You know I’m the sole occupant with no pets. Do you mean family? Like, my parents? They are both dead – so you hope I die on my birthday? Nice! So much for this ‘thoughtful gesture’. Backfired, didn’t it?

Had a laugh at some colleagues on the way home – as I drove past them, I offered them a lift. Guy looks down on his phone then starts with “We still need steps …” WHAT? You need an app to tell you whether to accept or decline my offer? No wonder you can’t understand how I manage without a TV! I mean, how DO I know when it’s time to sit down to relax, eh? I’m just shaking my head, here.

Back home I took another walk through my garden, my patch of joy is sprouting more and more flowers – each one unique!

Still gives me joy every day!

Are these the purple or white Alyssum?

New flower today - slightly different colouring from its sisters

We're up to three flowers now with more getting ready to open!

The colouring on the one side of the path - love this!

Same flower different colouring - the other side of the path!

And just look at the patch I sowed only last weekend! First green sprouts coming through already!

As I approached the Aloes to take some pics I heard some complaints – and got some very dirty looks for disturbing their rest!

So I took a look at my daisies instead – they’re blooming happily away!

22 June 2017

Colourful morning view of the sunrise again, the Morning Star has moved away from the sickle-moon shining it’s own private light on the world. The sun reflecting on the clouds before it has actually risen could truly take one’s breath away ... except, well with so many breathtaking views, I’d go blue if I literally stopped breathing every time. Hmm, interesting new colour addition to the scenery?

Work today was again very busy, with a collection of new orders coming in, which I need to process (as in place the orders with local manufacturer providing them with all the drawings & details they require). At lunchtime I continued reading the feminist blog I found, and it got me thinking: What about the empowerment of women who WANT to be Housewives? I mean, not every woman feels the urge have a career. Aren’t we shaming women who want to devote their lives to their family, exclusively? With phrases like ‘just a  Housewife’ aren’t we implying any woman who’s ambition in life is to keep a home for their family is somehow inferior? And let’s not forget that at the same time we’re shaming any man who has that same ambition! What if Housewife was a professional career, with studies, qualifications and employment? Lets face it, the skills expected from a Housewife are not genetically implanted in females – any more than males are genetically implanted with mechanical skills! It’s just a thought – one of the many strays flitting around my brain.

And now my mind has gone completely blank! Rather than writers block it’s more like Thinkers block!

I’m always fascinated by people, who’ve lived their entire life in the same city. I sometimes wonder, what my life would have been like, and what I would have been like, if we had never left Wilhelmshaven. Ok, so that, too, is not where I was born, but it is where I spent the first five years of my life. My sister was born there. I still remember the phone call from hospital, my dad phoned to let us (Grandma and me) know that I had a little sister. I also remember him saying the first thing he asked her was whether she wanted to give me a blue truck or a yellow crane as a gift, and at blue truck she had cried – so that was my gift! We lived in the house my mum grew up in, there. Zoppoter Straße. It had a cellar, where my dad had some tools and a bit of a workshop. And an attic, where all sorts of magical items were stored! I remember once finding a pink alarm clock with Swow White and the Seven Dwarves pictured on it, and being told how that was my mum’s when she was a little girl. I don’t remember my room, but I do remember a staircase. I also remember I had a swing in the garden. I remember a bed of asparagus behind the house. I have a lot of fragments of memories from those first five years. I remember a christmas play in Kindergarten there, where I was to go on stage as an angel and I cried and cried and didn’t want to. I also clearly remember not understanding WHY I cried or didn’t want to go on stage for my turn – at that time! I also remember making a defiant decision to keep remembering things I was told I was ‘too young to understand’ until I would be old enough. And I did, too! Once I understood them, they’d fade though, making room for new memories.

Like, I remember I used to let out a Tarzan-Yodel (a la Johnny Weissmüller) calling all kids to play outside. Or once I thought that if I could jump from a height and flap my arms while walking in the air simultaneously, I could fly!

And sometimes I try to extrapolate from those fragments of memory what my life would have been like, had we never started moving. Would I still be friends with my best friend at that time? Or were we just best friends because we lived across the road from each other and were the same age? Would I have been bullied less, had I grown up across the road from two big brothers? My mum’s best friend’s two sons were like brothers to me – so cool! I do remember more than one occasion were either of them ‘took care of’ bullies. Would I have grown up less insecure, stronger? Or would I have merely become more arrogant rather than confident? Could I have become a bully, myself? Or would I have felt overshadows by family – there’s a whole clan living in or around there; both my mother’s parent’s (i.e. my Grandma & Grandfather) come from extended families – all settled in or relatively near Wilhelmshaven.

However, since I’m very happy with who I am today, none of that is really relevant.

Just one pet-peeve: When asked “Where are you from?” I just never know what to answer! I don’t have a hometown or a place where I’m ‘home’. So, do I say “From (insert last place I lived)” or “From Germany” – but that always leads to “Where in Germany?” and we’re right back where we started. Do I say (last place I lived in Germany) or (Town where I was born – I was 3 months old when I left) or … what? But what’s most annoying is that most of the askers don’t really care where I’m from – they’ve got some story about Germany they want to tell and the question is just the opening.

Well, that was a long meander down memory lane! Let’s hope my mind doesn’t go blank too often for this blog! Back to reality, back to here and now.

Urgh, I’m cold! Memory Lane was warmer! The wind picked up today so much that I had to bend quite far down to water my veggie- and flower-beds – the wind literally blew the stream all the way onto the path! No point to even try taking picture – they’ll all turn our blurred cos them teeny flowers just won’t hold still. So I’ll close with some pics from last month!

White Alyssum

Purple Alyssum

Hibiscus - lovely pink against the blue sky

Marigold

Looks like a flower within a flower!

Looks a bit like Pansy

Cactus flower

This is who likes to supervise me in the garden