Rant alert: The Inspection

Since I went to sleep late, I woke up late as well. No matter. Sprayed the flat with some Air Fragrance crap I had gotten for just this kind of occasion. Got the shopping done – still before the month-end rush. I even remembered to make an appointment for a hair cut! Next week, Saturday! I was looking at vegetables when I saw a bag of baby potatoes, and thought: What a good idea! I used to boil a bag of baby potatoes in vinegar and water – lovely to snack on when you don’t like packet-chips! Two birds with one stone – vinegar-smell throughout the flat PLUS something I actually like to eat!

Back home I unpacked, put the potatoes with vinegar to boil for a bit and when that was done went down into the garden while I waited for The Inspection.

First impression: Despite all my negative past experience, I worked at keeping an open mind. Based on the rambling, illogical e-mail exchanges I expected an empty-headed bimbo-type. As in: tiny, blonde and heavily made up. I was wrong. Quite the opposite. I got up, went to the gate and introduced myself as I opened the gate. She did not confirm her identity immediately, only when she was through the gate did she extend her hand and introduced herself.

Next she shows me a bag with unmarked bunches of keys asking whether one of them would be mine. None of them is. Long explanation how the lady she replaced is to blame, and she’ll try and follow up to find my spare keys. Bad impression – blaming your predecessor? When it was YOU who last had my keys?

Walking towards the house, she manoeuvred me off the path onto the grass – as I’m realising this, I decide to step behind her, rather than get my feet wet on the still-dew-damp grass.

I note that she doesn’t seem to realise that the path is ‘new’. It wasn’t there last time she was here. Next, I’m surprised that she walks past the Alyssum in full bloom, emitting a strong smell of honey; walks past to Daffodils in full bloom, the almost open Carnation, and the Iris without so much as a comment!

First of all, someone who can walk past such a beautiful display of flowers without regard – is definitely missing something. And secondly, someone who wrote in detail about whiff’s of what they caught during an inspection, yet can walk through a strong cloud of honey-smell without comment ... again: missing something. Like depth. Or a mind a bit broader than a pencil.

Okay, maybe I should re-cap what happened last year: On Sunday, 7^th August 2016 my geyser sprung a leak. First I knew, I heard some watery noises and investigated where that could be coming from – until I saw the water dripping through the ceiling! I placed some buckets and informed the agent. You’ll find out in a minute, why I know the exact date. Ok, cancel my plans, I rush off to get at least the essential groceries (I hadn’t gotten into my current routine, yet) so I could be at home to let the plumbers in. Half-way through my shopping I get an SMS from the agent asking if the leak had gotten any worse – or whether it’s still just dripping. Back home I reply ‘still dripping’. Decision by the owner “it can wait till Monday.” Great! Now it’s too late to un-cancel my plans! Plus: now I must bring my spare keys to the agent, so she can let the plumbers in on Monday. And then I had better shower quickly, whilst I still have hot water!

Silly me, I leave the buckets standing around in my bedroom to catch the water still dripping ... drip ... drip ... drip ... drip .. dripping throughout the night. Since the owner decided it could wait, I should not have taken it upon myself to minimise the damage resulting from his decision at the cost of my sleep!

Monday comes, Monday goes, I get home to find: NO HOT WATER! Turns out that the plumbers ONLY closed off the supply to the geyser and took out the geyser! They didn’t repair or replace it! I inform the agent – response “Tough. It’s after hours now, that would cost extra. Will arrange a plumber tomorrow.”

Huh? You mean, you let them in, let them take the geyser and it didn’t register that they did not return with a replacement geyser? Hello? How did you expect hot water would work WITHOUT a geyser? Magic?

And ‘tomorrow’ is a public holiday – I had plans! (THAT is how I know the exact date!) Now I must cancel MY plans – again! And sit at home waiting for plumbers? On Women’s Day?

Well, new plumbers came, and at the end of the day I could finally take a bath! And wash dishes!

Anyway, there’s still a whole long story of hot water problems – which I will not go into; but some weeks after this episode, the agent asked permission to come in and inspect the damage to the ceiling. Permission granted.

Imagine my surprise, when I receive a full-home-inspection report a few days later! Huh? You did an inspection of my home without my permission? Here’s the e-mail I received:

“My name is Xxxx, and I am the Office Administrator at Xxxx Real Estate.

On Friday 26 August a general inspection was conducted at the unit with the Principal of Xxxx Real Estate.

Please find a copy of the inspection report attached.

The owner has instructed our office to inform you that you need to dispose of all the tree branches which you had cut off not later 15 September than 2016. The cost for this will be for your own account.

Please would you in future get written permission from the owners to do as such?  They said it looked much better in the over grown state than what it looks like now and the body corporate has issues with an unattended garden.

We have also noted the smell of cigarette smoke and incense in the apartment even though the windows were open. The owner requested our office specifically to check whether you are smoking in the unit.

We also brought the condition of the ceiling under his attention and await his reply to when it will be done.

We kindly urge you to address the above issues urgently.”

I made an attempt at communication, but it lead absolutely nowhere:

“I really don’t know how to respond to the below, as I’m having difficulty understanding your meaning.

It was my understanding, Affinity was asked to inspect the ceiling in the main bedroom; not a full inspection of the unit. I am also concerned that numerous items reported on my initial Inspection do not appear on your report (e.g. burn marks in the carpet) which could be taken to imply, that everything was repaired – and their re-appearance on the next inspection could result in my being held accountable. You also note the main bedroom walls as ‘clean’ – what about the patches still waiting to be painted? Please advise how to proceed in this regard.

With respect to the garden: Mrs Mother of the Owner discussed this issue with me at length, sometime in May. The result of the discussion was that the branches which overhung the washing line should be cut; the tree which had fallen over should be removed and lastly the hedge trimmed back to allow opening the gate. She had brought someone along who I understood would be employed to do this work – including the removal of the waste, which cost we would split. To reduce the cost even further, I proceeded to do the work, myself. I take it that agreement no longer stands and I am now to carry the cost alone. Thank you for clearing that up.

However, I fail to follow this logic: you say it looked better in the overgrown state AND the body corporate has issues with an unattended garden. Overgrown state = unattended garden; so if the Body Corporate had issues with an unattended garden, surely it would never have been allowed to reach the state in which I found it? I also notice that no mention is made of the courtyard, which the Body Corporate could not have painted, had I left that in its overgrown state. (Or if I hadn’t cleared out the rubbish left behind by past tenants).

Your next statement is a mystery: On the one hand you claim to smell cigarette smoke (which I could credit in the lounge, as the wind does tend to blow it in from the stoep) but then you mention smelling incense. I have never lit incense, so I have no explanation.

Xxxx, I don’t want any trouble. I have an extremely stressful job, working in a volatile environment. I leave home at sunrise and return at sunset. During working hours, I don’t have the opportunity to deal with any private matters – and once home, I don’t have the energy. Hence I’m not making an issue of the ugly patches of white on my bedroom wall, nor the still-leaking kitchen sink, nor the loose toilet seat, etc. When the geyser burst, I informed Xxx immediately, then cancelled my plans to be at home to let a plumber in. By the time it was decided to wait, it was too late for my plans. I spent the night in a room with the water dripping into the buckets – most people would have put their sleep first and removed the buckets, letting the water drip onto the carpet. I ended up spending another night in the same conditions, and with no hot water. I had to cancel my plans for National Women’s Day – I made no issue of that either. But I do have an issue with the reduced amount of hot water from the new geyser: I no longer have enough hot water for either a bath, not even for a quick (7-10 min) shower. I don’t know what the past specs were – but I do know that I now have a 100l geyser set at 65 degrees (Celsius). The simplest answer would be to set it higher – I would do it myself, if I had a ladder; but couldn’t the painter be asked to change the setting to 80, perhaps?

I would appreciate your feedback.”

The feedback I got made just as little sense as the initial mail, and eventually I just gave up. I also don’t want to go into any more details – I think I’ve bored you (and upset me) enough! Only one final note: THIS is when I knew that I’m – once again – stuck with another slum-lord and his tenant-bullying-agency.

Let’s go back to the present.

Ok, so the first impression was: Manipulative and missing something. Upstairs she announces that she’s not going to do an actual inspection, she’ll just take some photo’s.

Again: Someone who can walk past an Alströmeira in full bloom without comment? At one point she opened the curtains exposing the Iris in full bloom – also no comment?  Never mind the fragrant herbs (Sage, Fennel) just outside the front door, or the Alyssum.

She started photographing the bedroom ceiling on which she comments “It’s gotten worse since last time.” Well, yeah! She took a photo of the leaking basin in the bathroom. The loose toilet-roll holder. I forget whether she took a photo of the missing towel-holder. About the cracks in the wall she just said “That’s perfectly normal.” The light hanging by the wires in the passage was photographed. She took a photo of the paint bulging in the spare bedroom closet. She photographed the kitchen sink showing that it had not been sealed at all (causing all the leaks in the cupboards underneath). She took a video of the weird behaviour of the kitchen cold-water tap. A photo of the cupboard door that had come off.

I showed her the mysterious dark patches on the carpet by the windows (one in the main bedroom, one in the lounge). She launched into a long explanation about hairline cracks and water seeping from the sill through the wall ... this was evidently knowledge she was very proud of, so I let her ramble on. I had attempted to question the logic – but she just bulldozed on. So I shut up.

About the stains which are appearing all over she said nothing – just gave me a look which promised I would get nailed for that when the time came!

She asked about the necessary repairs and I said, since you haven’t felt the need to repair the bedroom ceiling, I wrote all repairs off. I’m done. Do what you must once I’ve moved out. I can’t take time off, nor is it reasonable to leave my home unlocked a whole day.

When I show her the damage the garden disservice does on a weekly basis, and mention how they mowed down my whole bed of flower she started telling me with – what felt like pride? – how the Garden Service at another of her tenants did even worse! I blurted out ‘who pays for that?’ and she just looks at me in puzzlement, like she has no clue how payment and damages could possibly relate when the damage is done TO the tenant. And I’m thinking to myself ‘You are telling me, with pride (!), how incompetent you are?

On her way out she comments something about the garden, the only thing I remember is that she called the extensive beds I’ve created a ‘little patch of the garden’.

She promises to CC me when she sends the report.

Like I care.

Leave me alone. The only contact I ever want with your slimy agency is my keys back, and my deposit back when I move out.

At least there is no chance of any smell of smoke being reported – I had the last indoor cigarette Friday morning, I vacuumed, spread shake-n-vac, put fresh Sandalwood oil in the reed dispenser, sprayed some air freshener throughout the flat before leaving to shop Saturday morning and to top it all, boiled some potatoes in vinegar and water. There. Put that in your pipe and smoke it!

Why this issue about smoking? Well, I got conned! The agent knew I was a smoker – as I was smoking in front of her when we first met. The people living in the flat at that time, when I viewed it, obviously smoked. There were no signs up from the Body Corporate (who have no rule regarding smoking, by the way). So I moved in. Then, once I had moved in, went to the office to sign the contract and see ... “No smoking permitted inside the premises.” Huh? “Oh, don’t worry, we’ll just add a clause that you’ll pay for any damages resulting from smoking.” Ok. I have no issue with that. A few days later I’m told the owner is absolutely adamant no tenant has ever smoked inside his flat, and he will not permit it. So I have no choice but to sign that.

I did take photos of the cigarette burns in the carpet. I also sent them per e-mail – so there’s proof that I didn’t cause those. Incidentally also proof that tenants smoked inside, but never mind.

The whole carpet was flea-infested when I moved in! It took three weeks for the red rings around my ankles to disappear after I emptied a couple of shakers of flea-powder everywhere. And a few days after I moved in, stains started to appear all over the carpet. At first I sent photo’s to the agency, but after a while I gave up, there were just too many! I made an attempt to clean them – but to no avail.

I will have the carpet cleaned professionally, as per contract – but ONLY standard cleaning. I will point out which stains are not to receive special treatment. If possible, I would like a report on the state it was in before, i.e. a written report stating that this carpet has never been cleaned professionally. Ever.

I don’t know why I always work myself up over any contact with this slime – probably to kick myself for getting involved with such filth in the first place. I ignored all red flags.

And every time I move, I promise myself I will do better this time. And every time I let the whole stress of moving pressure me into taking the first place I like, and by then my standards tend to be pretty low.  On the other hand, if I had taken note of the warning flags, I would never have met my current neighbour! And that would have been a real loss. I try to cope with the agency as well as she copes with the equally useless Body Corporate’s Portfolio ‘manager’ – but I fail dismally every time!

She brought me Apfelstrudel with cream to help overcome the stress (albeit self-inflicted) of the inspection!

I spent the rest of the day in the garden, and the evening playing online.