Lock-down Day 178

I had the weirdest dream this morning. We had moved to the top of a round apartment building and I was on the roof, with mippies. Janey jumped over the wall - my heart stopped as I was certain she had fallen to her death! I leaned over the wall and saw her quite happily sitting on a ledge enjoying the view! Sick to my heart I picked her up, hoping I wouldn't fall over in the process - I struggle with vertigo. Looking over a high wall like that has me feeling as if I'm being pulled over it to fall.

Then there was a part where everybody had to stop at a certain workshop on our way to work, which felt the same as our morning temperature check - only for our cars. Weird, I know.

Another weird thing was a feeling that my future was blank. It's like I looked up to see ahead and there was a thick white wall of fog, thought it didn't feel like something one could go through, but an end.

Which made me realise that, if I don't get this place, I won't get ANY place! If I don't pass the extreme credit check - I won't be able to rent another place, either. Thanks to the lock-down, many landlords have been burned by tenants who's livelihoods have been ripped away!

So, although there is no reason I shouldn't 'pass' their check - in a way, my whole life rides on it now! I could end up stuck here forever! What an absolutely horrific thought!

That, in turn, also means that, if I am 'caught' packing, I could be given notice, too ... so I really need to wait for the results.

Sheez, now my anxiety levels are sky-rocketing again!

Who could have imagined so many effects, affecting every single South African ... when this lock-down started?

I'm also thinking of that poor woman who lived in the house I want to rent now. I mean, imagine not being able to pay rent, watching your food stores shrinking ... with no end in sight. No idea how to get out of this hole our government has dug for her? I can only imagine what she must have been going through ... and that could have been me! Still could ... once this move is over, I'm going to be on the brink of broke again! Did I mention that my anxiety levels are sky-rocketing again? I feel as if my insides are knotted tighter than my macrame belt!

Mewthos is being an absolute nuisance this morning. He went out and came back mewling, mewling, mewling. I've been picking him up, cuddling, scratching his tummy, giving him milk, giving him treats - he's still mewling! I thought it could be the humidity after the rain, troubling his leg, so I gave him some Metacam as well. He's still mewling - with short intervals of quiet.

Ziva has also joined Mewthos wanting her ears scratched again and again. Janey wants to stroll along my shoulders over and over and over ... this is without sprinklers and without garden intrusion.

Then everybody went out again, and Janey came in demanding an intensive cuddle session - shedding so much, that I went to get the brush ... Mewthos had been sleeping on the pillow, but when he saw brushing going on, he came down and mewled for his turn!

With the above spinning around in my head, I'm struggling to get going. I'm just sitting here, thinking, writing ... with no energy to do the chores I need to get done.

Okay, someone please explain to me why my windows are being hosed down!? Sigh ...

I just thought of something: I gave them Rose's number as well as a reference. I gave it as 'neighbour' - maybe I should have put her down as 'Board Member of the Body Corporate'?

By the way, I called her on Friday, to give her a heads-up. If some stranger calls her, asking about me, her first thought might be that something happened to me - wouldn't want to put her through that. She's doing good, I'm glad to say. She's back doing deliveries and shopping, though she's also having to live with hammering upstairs at the moment. Apparently the flat has been sold, and the new owner is replacing the ceiling. Which should have been done ages ago, by the way.

I'm just thinking ... how on earth did I get into this mess? How did I go from 'happy home' to fear of homelessness? Well, with a landlord who decided the lock-down gives him the leverage to force his will on me. And me, not standing up for myself and playing along. Did I mention that one thing this lock-down did was to illuminate everyone's true colours? Man, I really just hope I get through this okay ...

Oh my gosh! My landlord just chased one of my cats - I think it was Mewthos - and then threatened to shoot them! I don't think he will, not right now ... but ... man, I have got to get out of here! This convinced me that he does traumatise them while I'm at work - and that that is why I keep finding puddles so many evenings! Just how did I get into this nightmare? How did this happen? How did this turn from home to hell? Well ... gradually ... step by step. And each step, I gave way. That's how! And if I hadn't given way each step, I would have been given notice a long time ago.

It's my way. Unless things are really bad, I endure - rather than change. It's a strength and a weakness. I don't easily walk away - and I'm also not big on change. Especially in my home. Especially moving. Again.

I called mippies in quite early - only because three of them were already around when I went outside, and Ziva came very soon, as well. And yes, I want them safely inside - the earlier, the better I feel!

From next door I have to listen to that stupid whooping again. Seriously, who does that? Screaming 'whooo hooo' at the top of their lungs? Yeah, there's a lot of things I probably haven't mentioned. Like I said: I ignore a lot.

Well, the floors are all swept and washed, bread is baked, lunch packed and in the car, dishes washed - all 'musts' are done.

Mippies bowls had become ant farms overnight, so after I washed them, I first put down diatomaceous earth all around on the counter. It worked on Mini's bowl and on the Orijen bowl, so ... whole counter covered in powder. Mippies did NOT like that. Not at all! Ziva didn't even touch her food and tried to go back outside. Janey the same. Mewthos kept looking at me and mewling, like he wanted me to 'fix the mess' or something. It took a while, but eventually they all sat down and started gobbling!

I'm not sure what to make of this, but I keep smelling something burning. It smells like burnt hair, of all things! It's quite strong at the moment and I can't tell where it's coming from. My guess would be outside, on this side, because I don't smell it out front. Nor in the bathroom. Lovely!

Well, I'm going to give sleep another try tonight. Hopefully I've poured everything out today, so I have nothing left to spin around my head!