Lock-down Day 175

Predictably, I had trouble going to sleep - my mind is totally scrambled! Trying to calm that down enough to allow me to drop off and sleep was ... a struggle.

My Mew-larm went off just after five, they also feel the anxiety and tension. I'm not sure how much of it is coming from me and how much is coming from my landlord. I found my bedroom window closed last night, not shut, but I don't think it was the wind, either. His habit of splashing my windows has my mippies in a state, too. They also don't feel really safe in my home, as there is no place where they are really private - sound intrudes everywhere. Mini has taken to crawling under the basin in the evenings. Janey has taken to occupying my chair - both the PC chair and the armchair. I always have to move her whenever I want to sit. And Ziva has become very demanding in the cuddle-cave. Last night I also found a puddle at the bottom of my fridge. I could also smell something, but I couldn't find the source.

About the place I've found, I have to confess that safety concerns have arisen. It's perfectly private and reasonably isolated - which suits my personality, but at the same time raises some safety concerns. I'm thinking of fitting motion-detection solar-powered LED lights outside, like I have outside my front door now. I don't want to light my porch and the house, but lights that show the garden and any intruder. I've also given some thought to getting a dog. Grin, mippies won't like that - they won't like that at all! But they're coping well with the new dog my landlord got. But a dog is also a life-time commitment. That's going to be a 'later' option - first, let me be sure I'll be staying there and I'll be happy there.

This also got me thinking that I'm just glad tenant discrimination doesn't yet extend to gender! I mean, children, pets and smokers are already perfectly acceptably discriminated against - it has become not only accepted, but expected! Next, I suppose they will refuse single women to rent homes, as we are soft targets ... not that I have any clue how that is a landlord's business, but hey. The same applies to children, pets and smoking - none of which is really a landlords business! It used to be a matter to be resolved among neighbours ... the world is becoming less human all the time, getting more clinical, remote and distanced. I'm glad that I'm not young anymore - I don't know how many more of these changed I want to live through ... it's like we're implementing everything described in the novel 1984, step by step, each step under a 'for your own good / protection' guise ...

I've been contemplating my next move regarding the home situation. I do not want to give notice until I'm sure I have somewhere to go. I also don't want to go on my new 'landlords' nerves by calling all the time. The guy I deal with manages the rentals, he's not the owner. He's a really nice person, without being over hearty, like the current guy. He strongly sympathises with my difficulty - and I confess, I'm playing that a little, but not excessively. And then he called me! Cool! He was a little uneasy, because his boss asked for a credit check - but I put his mind at ease, as I totally understand. He's dealing with an unknown person - and I could be a confidence trickster. Letting a stranger move into your property DOES carry risk, so you do want to take every possible precaution to avoid serious losses.

I had planned to give notice today. The manager also said that I can take it as given, that I'll get the place - but, well ... I really don't want to take any chances, either. Otherwise I could have given notice at the beginning of the month. He promised to have a definite answer (once the credit check is approved) within the hour - but I think a credit check takes longer to get results? After all, what's another day? Better safe than sorry.

I'm also going to need another cat carrier. I've just had a quick look, and that's going to cost ... I'm going to have to measure the one I have at home so that I can be sure of the dimensions I'll need. I'm thinking of transporting them 2 per carrier - Mini will only be welcomed by Mewthos, though. So the biggest and the largest ones will have to share one carrier. Then Janey and Ziva in the other. Mini is still naughty with Janey and Ziva - she teases them, by coming closer to them than they like and it gets hissy. Like it did last night, when Janey was on the pillow above my head and Mini tried to give Janey a derogatory sniff! Growling and hissing ensued! Little minx!

Although, it's a lot of money for a once-off half hour drive, eh? I'll ask my boss if he has something I can borrow - even the trap he used to catch Mini would be fine! It's humane, she was in no danger of injury. And once the trap is sprung, it's simply a cage.

Golly, I've been keeping a firm eye on my e-mail, but ignored my phone! Turns out I had a message asking for my details ... sigh ... info sent :)

Received a form asking for my details - completed, signed and returned.

I'm trying to bring my head to work, but it's a struggle. I spoke to my boss and he says, when I give him a date, when I'm done packing - he'll move me asap. So, I need to hustle.

I was following the updates from some friends in PE - I couldn't believe what I was reading: protesters slaughtering horses! I wish it was fake or a hoax ... I know, though, that it isn't. It's made the news ... unbelievable! Makes me want to rush home and hug my mippies till they squeal!

Facebook is currently filled with photos of dead horses ... I just want to cry.

That's one of the side-effects of this prolonged anxiety: I'm emotionally finished ... ready to cry at the drop of a hat. I've been like that for weeks already, just haven't mentioned it. This has been building up for months. The turning point, of course, was, when they turned off my water as I was running myself a bath. I'm still not quite sure what they really want, and I'm not going to waste my energy trying to figure it out. Either they just want me out, because they've come to realise that they just don't like an outsider living under their roof - or they think of me as a charity case, they are kindly helping by allowing me to live under their roof? They have clearly been planning to enforce restrictions during the lock-down - then, as soon as evictions were legal, they took action. I mean the very same day! They clearly assume that I don't have the financial means to move - which gives them the upper hand. Law & contract be damned ... I have no choice but to dance to their tune (giggle, with their constant Boeremusik assault, a little too literally). So, while they've been working towards this enforcement, I've been expecting ... something ... and arbitrarily getting shouted at & scolded. Which has increased my anxiety levels continuously ... being 'high-strung' naturally takes it's toll ... and I'm an emotional wreck. Which is invisible. You wouldn't know it, if you saw me - or even, if you interacted with me. Unless you know me really well.

Right, I've just spoken to the manager again, he's sure he'll have a definite answer for me tomorrow morning. He doesn't see any problem and is quite certain I'll get it. Hold thumbs! Just hold thumbs!

Back at home, I finished one closet and started on the other. As I walk around, I see such a lot of little bits here, there, everywhere ... this is going to take forever! I just have no clue how I can possibly get everything packed! Plus, of course, there's the issue of boxes ... I don't think that I have anywhere near enough boxes left! I have a bad feeling that I'll run out of boxes really fast!

All that unpacking I kicked myself into doing ... which I now wish I hadn't! I tried so hard to make this home ... pity the game was rigged!

Anyway, I'm hoping I can do at least one trip to take a bunch of boxes through, empty them and bring them back. It would be cool if I could do one trip every evening - but that's going to be a bit of an issue, because the traffic at five is already bad - it'll be even worse next week; and I would end up getting home around seven or eight! Which also means: no milk! Plus: mippies can't go out ... so I'm afraid that's not a viable option.

Mippies were too afraid to go out tonight - traffic in the driveway. Which is rare, but it kept the lot of them under my feet. Now they want cuddles ... time for me to oblige. I didn't sleep very well last night, but I think I'll sleep much better tonight. For starters, I'm tired enough!