Back at work

Another hot-cold-cycle night. Woke up tired and late, but went to work. Low on energy, but better than yesterday.

The German site manager came back yesterday – when I gave him his ‘welcome-back’ hug (something I introduced to the formal German site) he quipped even his wife doesn’t show that much affection when he comes home! Germans tend to shake hands in greeting – every morning! I found that a bit strange, since South Africans just greet either verbally or with a nod or a wave, but don’t shake hands every morning. On the first project, I started hugging some of the closer friends on site – and I’ve expanded that to colleague’s I’ve grown fond of. It’s a very un-German thing to do – it’s also not a South African thing. It’s an AA thing, I’ve brought to work – and, once they’ve got over the strangeness of it, most of them actually like it. And since I’m in an age-group (i.e. OLD!) where hidden agendas are on the decline – it’s accepted as the fond gesture it is intended to be. He also brought me German Chocolate, so, just for good measure, I hugged him again! Although we’d worked together nearly three years in East London – on that site, he never grew included into the fond-of hug group, so it’s new to him.

I’m not feeling too great, just low energy and a mild migraine, so tonight is a strict schedule: Fill the drum (as they come to collect tomorrow morning), shower, dinner, bed. Early to bed, allowing for extra sleep time in case the waking-up-cycles continue.

It was six when I finally finished filling the drum. Of course, first my neighbour and I filled three bags with her cuttings (we share the drum, there’s cookies in it for me) and then, although I wasn’t feeling too well, I kept deciding to cut just one more, and one more, etc. You know how it is when you start cutting, you just want to see progress and just keep going, regardless.

Now I’m having dinner – at eight. Sigh, time flies when you’re busy!

I got an sms yesterday afternoon, informing me of a funeral service. It came from an unknown number and I didn’t recognize the surname – but I did recognize the church. So today I called a friend and he confirmed that it was a fellow from Pretoria North. While I had the friend on the phone I asked about all the old-timer friends we have in common … and learned just how many had passed away since I first left Pretoria in 2012! You know what makes me angry about that, however? All the friends in common – and not one of them has had the courtesy to drop me a line, let me know. Remember that rant about communities calling themselves family? Yeah. I come across as aloof and arrogant – which is the defensive wall I build around myself. Right now I can’t tell for sure whether that wall-building is past or present – I do know that I’m working on it.

Why take down a defense? Because I’m wearing big-girl panties now. I can deal with betrayal, lies, disappointment, being used. But my ‘defense’ also hurts good people – based on not only bad people, but also on misunderstandings. And that’s me letting bad people and misunderstandings control my life. Been there, done that, ready to grow up.