28 June 2017

Another subject currently occupying me is: Manipulation. It’s a subject we only think about, when we’re at the receiving end – having been successfully manipulated. But we all do it in some form or other, as well. As an alcoholic, I have done more than a fair share of manipulating myself – though convincing myself all the time that I was the victim, not the manipulator! Pulling that one off successfully is sadly a common aspect of the disease. It took me years to fully grasp just to what extent I manipulated friends and family – and continued to manipulate for years after I stopped drinking. Of course, I have no guarantee that I’m completely benign now – but I am, at least, more open to discussion ... at least I hope so!

Having been (or perhaps even still being) a manipulator does not, however, mean that I can’t be a victim of manipulation, myself. It’s not simply black and white. To some extent everybody is manipulative – we all have needs and desires we’d like to be met; and when they involve other people we all sometimes cross the line, push a little too hard, perhaps? But where, exactly, is that line?

Simply put, any sense of control is manipulation – regardless of intentions. What is frightening, at least to me, is the extent to which manipulation has become acceptable! I won’t even go into corporate and political manipulations – seriously, if I do, I’ll never stop! Just the thought has got my blood boiling – better take a break, time to simmer down.

Right, feeling a bit calmer now. Staying with my own personal experiences, one-on-one. Simple example: As I’m about to close my browser to go to bed I see a message, I respond saying ‘Sorry, bad timing. It’s a bit late for me, I’m off to bed’. Immediate response ‘It’s not late!’ Instant red flag! You’re trying to overwrite my reality with yours! An appropriate response would have been anything that doesn’t invalidate my personal feeling or opinion. Had the person been in a different time zone ‘It’s not late, here’ would have been acceptable, or even ‘it’s not late for me’.  I know from experience that there’s no point even attempting to discuss why such a response is unacceptable to me, so I just shut off the browser and go to bed.

I’ve been in abusive relationships before. Just recently I allowed someone into my private space who immediately proceeded to trample all over it! So I manipulate them to leave. I let them believe the decision was theirs and let them stomp off in a huff, sighing a silent ‘good riddance’! Yes, that, too is manipulation – and frankly, I don’t like it, either. The problem is, as a woman, if I simply tell them to get out ... something usually gets broken.

One thing I’ve never understood, and which still puzzles me: Why on earth do they always presume that we’re friends, now? Not trying to salvage a friendship but taking it for granted. Seriously, what’s that all about?

Anyway, enough on that subject for now.

Had another nasty surprise when I got home today: The contractors had trespassed AGAIN! And they left my outdoor tap running! We’re in the middle of a drought – water is scarce, and they leave a tap running for who knows how long? And I don’t mean dripping, it was running! On top of that they stepped right into my new bed where the seedlings are just poking through!

Let’s try something nice for a change. Dinner was delicious! My chives are doing nicely. It looks like it might rain overnight, which is nice. Yeah, I’m not winning this one, am I? Better luck tomorrow!