Not the earliest of mornings and I woke up with a headache. Not good.
I'm re-watching 'The 4400', reached the episode I really don't like. 'Graduation Day'. It includes a member of AA - Alcoholics Anonymous. He claims to have been leading one group for five years ... that's not how groups work. Service rotation is key. Sometimes you get new groups, which stay small for some reason or other, and nobody grows into service ... such groups tend to die with the founder - like my book study group. But even in 'my' group, I didn't chair all meetings - whenever someone showed interest, I handed over.
Secondly, it was stated that the good he's doing now by leading an AA group should make up for the accident he caused, when drunk. That is not how the program works! That kind of burden on anyone's conscience would inevitably drive anyone to drink sooner or later. The twelve steps are all about cleaning up your past, taking responsibility for your actions - having been drunk is no excuse, you still have to take responsibility. And that includes cleaning up the mess left behind - making amends. No real alcoholic can stay sober with the weight of two deaths on his conscience. Sooner or later it will catch up with one ...
You see, AA is not supervised or managed or controlled like a normal hierarchical business - it's all about sobriety. When you lie, or use or abuse - you're risking your sobriety. Real alcoholics, like me, have tried absolutely everything to stop drinking. We KNOW that nothing else worked - for us. I'm not saying there aren't alternatives - but all the one's I know of, also rely on a clear conscience. For the first couple of years in sobriety, fear keeps us 'in line'. Fear of picking up a drink subconsciously ... fear of hitting rock bottom again. Having heard others share, how they relapsed, and how the bottom they hit the second time was even worse.
After 18 years sober, I still remember my first day sober - though I didn't know it at the time - like it was yesterday. No longer with fear, no longer as a nightmare - but with gratitude.
Alcoholics Anonymous is something I am passionate about - and seeing it misrepresented, especially so grossly, upsets me. And I feel the need to set the record straight.
Don't get me wrong, there are groups which don't follow the traditions ...
I can't seem to shake the headache. It's now past ten, I've tried eating, taking meds, stretching excercises (in case it's a tension headache) ... no change. That leaves atmospheric pressure ...
Now I've also tried a nap, which isn't working, either. So it's got to be atmospheric pressure. There are clouds in the sky, though it's not really overcast. Nor is there much chance of rain forecast ... so ... I don't know ...
Well, I decided to try gardening. That seems to have done it - headache is gone. I cleared around the bird bath by the tap - found a host of trees trying to grow there, which had clearly been mowed down week after week ... no wonder my brand new mower is already blunt! I've pulled out every stump I could. I think I got them all.
I went back outside and carried on weeding. The bed in front of the veranda, I'm extending it along the pathway. I really enjoy weeding. I think, because it's so simple. Just loosen the soil, grab the bottom of the plant and gently pull out the roots ... No planning, no thinking, no complexity, just very simple ...
Around half past six, the kittens came out to play. I still can't get close, but I was able to take better photos.
I've got a whole bed cleaned out back ... and nothing planted there ... nothing seems to survive in that bed, so I've pretty much left it for my mippies to use ... they enjoy going potty in it.
Well, it's just past seven. I still want to shower and fry myself dinner. Load shedding from eight to ten again ... and then tomorrow morning from four to six. Sigh ...
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